Age-Old Shadow
AGE-OLD SHADOWI guess I was about thirteenbefore I learned that wood had grainand trees had branches that were seenby most folks all the time, and plain."Your retinas," the doctor said,"are thin, and...
View ArticleRe: Age-Old Shadow
Jo--I thought you did pretty well with the tetrameter. Some of the most potent lines might not have worked as well if added to even by two syllables. "Your retinas," the doctor said, / "are thin, and...
View ArticleRe: Age-Old Shadow
Mike--I started off trying to write this in IP, but it just wouldn't stretch. However, after reading some sonnet critiques, I decided to stretch the last line as emphasis. Apparently, I accomplished...
View ArticleRe: Age-Old Shadow
Jo--sure, quatrains & couplet? why not? & yes, I like the shorter last line. Cohesive to the rest. The brevity of the lines also makes the speaker feel smaller, perhaps even in custody, if you...
View ArticleRe: Age-Old Shadow
Yes, as well to the shorter last line, I think it works.My comment is directed towards Ls 7-9.They seem to say almost the same thing.I wonder if L10 would be better moved into the volta spot?And that...
View ArticleRe: Age-Old Shadow
21K-Solid gold. I could kiss you!!!AGE-OLD SHADOW (revised)I guess I was about thirteenbefore I learned that wood had grainand trees had branches that were seenby most folks all the time, and...
View ArticleRe: Age-Old Shadow
I like your revision very much Jo, the quatrains work well and add to the slightly "nervy" feeling. Edgy.The third quatrain in particular has a rather old-fashioned and Emily Dickinson-ish tang to...
View ArticleRe: Age-Old Shadow
Yay!May I add that I love the creepy factor in little poems? Quite evident here. -- Mike
View Article
